Managing defiance or task avoidance in children can be challenging, but offering weighted choices is a powerful, proactive strategy to redirect behaviors and build cooperation. Weighted choices allow children to feel a sense of control within boundaries set by adults, making it easier for them to engage in tasks or accept denied access to preferred items. As a therapist and parent coach, I’ve seen firsthand how this simple but effective strategy can transform difficult moments into opportunities for growth.
What Are Weighted Choices?
Weighted choices involve giving a child limited, controlled options to guide them toward a desired outcome. Instead of presenting a child with a demand or restriction outright, you provide alternatives that meet the overall goal while respecting their autonomy. This approach is particularly effective for children with defiance, task avoidance, or escape-maintained behaviors.
Why Weighted Choices Work
Weighted choices aren’t just for children; they can be a game-changer in other relationships too. Think about this: even with adults, giving choices can create a sense of shared control. For example, if I want to order takeout, I can ask my husband, “Would you prefer Chinese or Thai tonight?” While the ultimate outcome (ordering takeout) is what I want, offering two acceptable options makes him feel involved in the decision. It’s a subtle way to share control, and it works wonders in avoiding unnecessary disagreements.
Sense of Control: Children often resist demands when they feel powerless. Weighted choices give them a sense of control by allowing them to make decisions within a set framework.
Proactive Strategy: By offering choices before challenging behaviors arise, you can prevent tantrums or resistance.
Supports Skill Building: Weighted choices teach decision-making and problem-solving skills while reducing power struggles.
Examples of Weighted Choices in Different Scenarios
Weighted choices are effective for everyone—kids, partners, or even friends—because they create a sense of involvement. Here’s how this works in different scenarios:
Task Choices:
Example: “Would you like to do math or English first?” Both tasks must be completed, but the child gets to decide the order.
Why it Works: It redirects resistance by allowing the child to prioritize tasks in a way that feels manageable.
Tool Choices:
Example: “Do you want to use a crayon or a pencil for this activity?”
Why it Works: It focuses the child’s attention on the choice, reducing the likelihood of task refusal.
Reinforcement Choices:
Example: “You can’t have the Nintendo right now, but we can play a board game or read a book together.”
Why it Works: This offers alternative reinforcers when immediate access to a preferred item isn’t possible, minimizing frustration.
Tips for Offering Weighted Choices
Be Proactive: Offer choices before a child becomes upset or refuses a task. This proactive approach prevents behaviors from escalating.
Keep Choices Simple: Limit options to two or three to avoid overwhelming the child.
Ensure Choices Are Meaningful: Make sure all options are acceptable outcomes for the parent or therapist.
Practice Consistency: Use weighted choices regularly to help children understand the process and build trust.
Monitor Responses: Observe how the child responds to different types of choices and adjust accordingly.
Using Weighted Choices During Reinforcement
Weighted choices can also be used effectively during reinforcement. For example, if a child is upset because a preferred item is unavailable, offering two alternatives provides a positive redirection. This approach ensures the child feels acknowledged while maintaining the adult’s boundaries.
Case Example: Empowering a Child Through Weighted Choices
Sarah, a 7-year-old with escape-maintained behaviors, often refused to complete her homework. Her parents were coached to offer weighted choices: “Would you like to start with writing or reading?” Over time, Sarah began engaging with tasks more willingly. The proactive strategy allowed her to feel in control while still meeting expectations.
Conclusion
Weighted choices are a simple yet transformative strategy that empowers children while fostering cooperation and skill-building. By incorporating this technique into daily routines, parents and therapists can create a supportive environment that reduces defiance and task avoidance. Remember, the key is to offer choices proactively and consistently, ensuring everyone—whether it’s a child or a partner—feels both empowered and guided toward success.